As I write, I am in a state of mixed depression with thoughts of hopeless and demise – I’ve been here before and it isn’t pleasant; life is suffering, but we must find ways to reduce the suffering that makes life worth experiencing. Our mind is powerful, often underestimated by those whom have never experienced its dark side.
The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it. – Marcus Aurelius
I’ve spent a considerable amount of time attempting to understand life, the human condition, and who I am… It has been a fruitful journey, I have discovered and have been able to make great strides towards living the good life.
Up and down, just like the peaks and valleys of a roller coaster track – except the mental track when it derails causes pain that is not relatable to the physical pain of a sustained injury.
Physical wounds heal with little thought, as long as you care for the wound while it heals – mental pain doesn’t seem to heal in the same way, no matter how much you attend to your mental wound it never seems to fully heal.
No matter how much I invest in my mental health, I always find myself taking backwards steps and falling back into the all too familiar traps of the mind. I have worked to become the person I am, to be confident, secure and happy in my outlook towards life – but when I am unconfident, unhappy and insecure in the moment I know I have regressed back to an old familiar state; where and when did I feel this way?
I’m still trying to pinpoint where in my life I started to experience negative thoughts and moods. From my primary years I know I had a few traumatic moments, what I didn’t know is how they would afflict me later in life. If I don’t to accept those moments as they were, and if I am not learning from those moments who knows how they may manifest themselves later in my life…
That’s all I can write at the moment… pretty succinct overview of my current 32 years of life
To be continued…
Also published on Medium.